Relationship Rules - Dating

I'm not a therapist, and I don't even play one on tv, but a recent discussion amongst friends has prompted me to write this. I'll call it 'My Rules of Dating'. Take it for what it's worth - it's really just good common sense. I feel this advice pertains to both men and women, so I will use 'he' and 'she' in my points. 1) Never, ever, ever expect that he will change. If he is an alcoholic, emotional infant, liar, cheater, abuser there is no way in hell that your love will change him. Sure, who didn't want to own a beautiful horse (or wolf dog or whatever!) that would hate everyone, but only love us because 'our love was that pure'? WHEN WE WERE TEN YEARS OLD!!!! Get over that one right now. When you are dating someone, they should be behaving at their best and if that sucks....hit the road. Leave no forwarding address. 2) You should have a sense of who YOU are and what you want. Last time around in the dating pool I knew pretty much what I was looking for. Someone cool, laid back, easy going and no golfing. But you've got to know who YOU are in order to know what you want. You can't look to another person or a relationship to complete you. If you are whole and independent, happy and well adjusted, you will attract the right kind of partner. Anything less is unacceptable. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong....it usually is. Trust your gut as much as your heart. 3) No cohabitation. You are just setting yourself up for trouble. If you have kids - it sets a bad example and if you end up breaking up, it's a huge mess. If you are going to cohabitate, you should have some sort of commitment. If you don't, ask yourself why you don't. At a minimum, have a ring on your finger and a date on the calendar. 4) Psych 101 tells us that we humans tend to choose partners who have the same bad personality traits as the primary caregiver that we had as a child. Alcoholic Dad? You could be drawn to alcoholic men. Mom is passive agressive? So's your girlfriend. Get the picture? Be aware of this. I'm just sayin'. 5) Women (especially) for God's sake, men cannot read our minds! Mostly, they can't even hit the toilet, so stop torturing yourself. It goes something like this Man: Honey, I'm going out with the boys tonite Woman: Fine Then when he returns, he is punished for it for days. Seriously, say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't be a mystery. And think about it this way - If you ask for what you want, you have a much better chance of getting it. It's called being honest with yourself and others. 6) Fight Fair - don't yell, curse and act like a baby. I can promise you that it will get you absolutely nowhere. Talk about your issues and try to see the other person's side. Don't pull up stuff from the past, don't accuse. Stay calm. 7) Know when to cut bait. Seriously. Don't hang onto an unsatisfying relationship that you know has no chance of working out. How is that helping you or the other person in the relationship? Best of luck! That'll be $80, please.

Gone, Baby, Gone

For some reason, I was looking at an arial view of Stillwater, Oklahoma today. I zoomed in to look at the little area where I lived for about a year during college and to my horror, it was gone. Just gone. We called it ‘The Cove’ because the area where we parked our cars was surrounded by a couple of little old houses, two small apartment buildings and trees in a circular pattern. It was located just South of the OSU campus, between Hester and Ramsey streets behind a house and it had a secluded, homey feel to it. The residents of The Cove would often sit outside together on warm nights and drink beer. Everyone was friendly and helped each other out. I lived in a dilapidated house in The Cove during the summer of 1986, or more precisely, I lived in the attic, which had been turned into a tiny apartment accessible by rickety stairs that led up the side of the house. The rent was $99 a month and it had a window unit air conditioner that often made it too cold. I had a little striped kitten named Spike. A guy named Rob lived in the main part of the house and there was a small basement that was dark and scary. It had old mason jars of food in it and my friend Janet and I used to dare each other to go inside. I lived in the attic There were two apartment buildings with four cute little apartments each in The Cove. My friend, Janet lived in one and I could see her front door from my tiny kitchen window. I delivered pizza for a living that summer, working the night shift mostly, from about 5:00 PM until 2:00 AM. I drove a bright orange Jeep that matched my bright orange dyed hair. I was an art student and dated a musician, who kept the same strange, vampire-like hours as I did. My Jeep This is the only pic I can find right now of the big orange hair. Of course, that's me in the middle As I looked around on the map, I saw that several places I remembered were gone. The Scholar’s Inn, an apartment complex right across from the basketball stadium is now a parking lot. My friend, Gary lived there and had great parties in the courtyard. He and I also used to play pool at Eskimo Joe’s, back when Joe’s was a real bar and not the Chili’s-like establishment of today. I was happy to see that The Stonewall Tavern still looks intact and if you walk South from there, there was this great used bookstore and a barber shop called 'Whisperin' Richard's'. Whisperin' Richard could only speak in a whisper, due to some sort of vocal chord injury. I wonder if he's still there. The OSU Sculpture Lab building is gone. A sculpture of mine graced the floor in the lab for probably a very long time. My ill fated mold broke while pouring a cement sculpture and it turned into a big blob and hardened on the floor. Other favorite places were Bill's Italian Restaurant, Leo's Peking Palace and Hideaway Pizza. I know that Hideaway is still there. My musician boyfriend worked at Bill's Italian Restaurant and we used to climb up on top of the building at night to catch a breeze. Looks like I need to go back to Stillwater soon and look around. I know that things have changed a lot since I lived there. I expect them to. I guess that the places I knew only live now in my mind and in my photos. All that's left today of 'The Cove'. It may not have been paradise, but they paved it and put up a parking lot.

Touched by a Rainbow

I was driving home from work today in typical Dallas rush hour traffic. It was a dreary, rainy Monday, I was on the third day of an annoying cold and I was in, as they say, no mood. Out of nowhere, a rainbow appeared up in front of me and to the right. It was extremely vivid and large and I could see both ends of it. The rain began to let up. The traffic on Central Expressway created a great cloud of mist right above the road and as I marveled at the unexpected beauty of the rainbow, it hit the road and refracted and came right into my car for about two seconds! It was magnificent! I had been touched by a rainbow! When I exited the highway, the rainbow was so large on the horizon that it looked like a colorful skyscraper. Violet, Green, Yellow, Orange...the distinction and brightness of the colors was utterly amazing. It was then I noticed that it that it was a double rainbow. By the time I sped home, grabbed my camera and drove across the street to the farm, all that was left was a few drops of color. I sat on the little road and took a picture as I watched the colors fade and then disappear. What an extraordinary sight. This is the shot I got: But it looked more like this:

Slow Cooker Sunday ~Mad Scientist Dr. Pepper Pot Roast

Seriously. The 'Mad Scientist' part is because you get to choose ingredients of your liking, or what you have in the frig and throw them all in the Slow Cooker, while laughing like a Mad Scientist. Quite cathartic. Mad Scientist Dr. Pepper Pot Roast 4-5 pound Pot Roast 10 Red New Potatoes 2 c. baby carrots Can of Dr. Pepper 2 T Minced Garlic Big Slosh of Soy Sauce White Pepper Beyond that, get crazy add any or all-- Liquid Smoke Chopped Onion Worchestershire Sauce Dash of Dry Mustard Habenero Sauce Don't forget your Slow Cooker Liner and then add your Pot Roast. Now it's time to add all your crazy liquids and seasonings. Cook on HIGH for one hour, then add the new potatoes (cut in half). Cook for another hour and then add the carrots. Cook only until the meat is done and falls apart and the veggies are fork tender, about 4 - 5 hours (total). The leftover meat makes an awesome sandwich the next night, especially if you save the au jus and use it for dipping.

NYC (Part 4) Chinatown and Central Park

Chinatown! Shopping and people watching in Chinatown is fun. I like to go into the purse stores and browse. After a few minutes the shopkeeper will come up and say rather quietly 'Gucci? Coach?". If you say 'Yes', they hustle you to the back of the store, where they open a hidden door and take you into a tiny 'secret' room full of contraband fake designer handbags. I always feel like a bad girl afterward, so FUN! I scored a giant black 'Chanel' bag for $40. Pam loves NY Catch O the Day Little Italy backs right up to Chinatown. Holy Cannoli!! I used to have a parking garage like this for my Matchbox cars. Amazing use of space Take a quick Cab Ride with me! Oh, so touristy! What's better than a Hansom Cab Ride in Central Park?! The Dakota (former home of John Lennon) The final post is FOOD...don't miss it!

NYC (Part 3) - Rockefeller Center and St. Patrick's

This is me, enjoying coffee before heading out to a fun day of exploring Gotham City. It's my 'Literary Look', with glasses and sequin beret. I think I'll use it on my next book jacket. :) 30 Rock - Underground, there is a gigantic concourse of shops and restaurants. It's a self contained city. If you worked in the building, you wouldn't ever have to leave. Fast food, nice restaurants, drug stores, florists, a grocery, dry cleaners...all right there. Cool! Top of the Rock Observation Deck was fantastic! 70 stories up with a great view of the city. Roomy and comfy with a nice glassed in lounge area for relaxing, consulting your map, etc. I enjoyed the view and the observation area at Top of the Rock more than the Empire State Building, altho it has it's own wonderful iconic appeal. Even the ride up is fun! The super fast elevator has a clear ceiling, with a film playing on it, and neon green lights line the corridor up, so you watch a video and see the green lights whoosh by. Not in a million years!!! Just looking at this famous pic makes me dizzy. "Luncheon Atop a Skyscraper" was taken in 1932. Long before OSHA. Beautiful Art Deco detail at the top of 30 Rock The Empire State Building Central Park 70 stories high! Laura, Me, Pam and Belle St. Patrick's Cathedral is a Gothic marvel and an absolutely beautiful and serene stop in the middle of the busiest part of Manhattan. Building began in 1858 and it can accomodate 2200 people. the girls look like Alice in Wonderland next to these giant gold doors! Pam and Belle Oh, Honey...there's not enough time in the world... I just couldn't stop taking pics, hoping to capture the beauty and grandeur The Ice Rink at Rockefeller Center. Oh, it made me want to practice my Triple Axle, but I decided to just watch. The gold statue is Prometheus, bringing fire to mankind. Stay tuned! More to come...food, Chinatown, and "I'll have what she's having"!

Why I Don't Like Lost

There, I've said it. I just don't like it. Let the stones fly. My wonderful husband wanted to start from the beginning with Season 1 and after 12 episodes, I'm waving the white flag. And here's why: Characters - I am a 'character' person. I have to like or be intrigued by a character to enjoy a movie or a show. If I could walk out halfway through and not care what happens to them, then the entire movie is a bust for me. I'm just that way. I find the characters on Lost to be stereotypical, shallow and cartoonish. Jack the hero, always in the shadow of his alcoholic father and now large and in charge. Kate, the sexy, bad girl with a past who is trying to redeem herself. She's got a rockin' body and a single facial expression, but then again, so do Hooter's girls and I don't find them fascinating either. Sawyer. Oh, Sawyer...every line is some hokey little catch phrase and his schmaltzy nicknames ('Freckles') drive me crazy. The smirk doesn't help any. What might help is if he just stopped talking and took off his shirt. But I digress. Slow, Slow, Slow Really? Did I just watch 40 minutes and nothing happened? Again? WTF Factor A polar bear on the island. And they kill it but don't eat it? Why haven't they gone exploring. I mean, there could be some All Inclusive Resort just down the beach for all they know. It could be Happy Hour! I've been privy to way too many up and coming things to know that my brain will not be capable of suspending logic enough to swallow all of this. The story arc is too great and there is no payoff so far. And I know enough to know that there won't be for five seasons, if ever. Kinda sounds like my first marriage, but that's a whole different blog entry. :) Now, don't automatically think that I watch innane tv like 'The Bachelor' or 'Dancing With the Stars', because I don't. I watch 'Weeds', 'Californication', and 'Big Love' and I think 'Six Feet Under' was one of the greatest shows ever. Network TV lost me long ago. I don't like sitcoms, I don't love Raymond. I know everyone does. I like to be surprised. Throw me a really good twist and some quality characters and I'll give you an hour. If you like Lost, great. I'm not judging you , I'm just saying it's not for me. I really hope for the big fans of Lost that the payoff at the end of the series is the Hale Bopp Comet experience that it should be, I truly do. But unless Hawkeye and BJ go home from Korea, Bobby Ewing appears and it was all a dream and they all wake up in Bob Newhart's bed, I just don't think I'd be satisfied.