Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Bathroom Etiquette - Really?

I know, I know, who died and made me Queen of the Universe...well, luckily nobody died and I get to be Queen simply because it's my blog. Live with it. I work on the 10th floor of a highrise office building in North Dallas. It's a really pretty building with big banks of elevators and a concierge/security desk. It's full of professional people. However, the Ladies' bathroom on my floor is horrifying! I used think that women were cleaner than men, but if this is a sample of normal women, then I take back what I said about men or alternatively...I just don't wanna know. So (ahem) here are the new Bathroom Rules:(and if you think I won't post them in there, you don't know me very well!) 1. Flush. Really, I would think that you might have mastered this in kindergarten, if not before, but apparantly not, and that's just gross. 2. Wash your hands! Seriously. I am in the bathroom and I can hear you go out of your stall and just leave without even pretending to make a stop at the sink! No wonder I use a paper towel to open the door so I don't have to touch anything. I want to go wash my hands now just thinking of it. 3. Don't talk on your cell phone. Whether or not you're actively peeing (yes, people talk on the phone while peeing!) or just loitering in the bathroom (toiloitering?) this is unacceptable behavior. Not only is it just plain weird, but I generally dislike the sound of my peeing being broadcast God knows where. Call me crazy. 4. Eating - Yes, I said eating. I was in the bathroom once and a girl walked in, eating a giant cookie and proceeded into the stall, did her business and left. All (of course) without washing her hands. Eww Eww Eww!! She might as well have gone in there and licked something. Now, really, I don't think that this is asking too much, but obviously it is. The worst offenders are the ladies from the Accounting firm across the hall from us. Think about that next time someone does your taxes. No, don't. Eww.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Bitchmas 2009 Party Like a Rock Star

Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true... This year's Bitchmas theme was "Bitchmas 2009 - Party Like a Rock Star" and was held at the Hard Rock Tulsa. The Unholy Trinity - the Tulsa Girls, Gambling, and vodka was enough to entice Pam to fly up with me. Me and Pam Pam and I flew in together from Dallas and Toni picked us up at the airport. We had lunch at Te Kei's with Laurie and Angie. The food was good and the company better. After that we ran over to Utica Square to canoodle with a giant pink penguin, shop for new boots (Pam's boot zipper broke at the airport, a likely story) and purchase party supplies. I entertained myself by reading aloud from a romance novel that I found in Toni's car - "...she desperately....shamelessly begged...for more." (yeah...I'm easily amused) Pam, Angie and Toni By the time we got out to the Hard Rock, we barely had time to get set up, change and receive our guests. The suite was fabulous. Two queen beds, a bar, kitchen, a big red fainting couch and several extra chairs brought in. We were stocked on munchies, a big chocolate cake from Queenie's and beverages. Our signature party drink - a 'North Pole Dancer', Absolut vodka and cranberry juice with a splash of Sprite and a candy cane garnish. Angie and Toni The party was divalicious fun. We played the Dirty Santa game (whatever you call it, the one where you steal each other's gifts) Renee had created a Michael Jackson gift basket that was extremely popular. All the gifts were wonderful, most contained wine. Renee and her 'tattoo sleeves' Laura, Me, Pam and Angie Scotty T and Toni After Dirty Santa we decended upon the Casino and ran around. The saying goes, it's not what you know, but who you know and that was true...Jimmie got us the VIP treatment at the nightclub as we were able to enter from some secret entrance with no cover charge or waiting in line. It was a cool bar with the band on top of the bar. Scott T and I did some faux dirty dancing. Nobody puts Scotty T in a corner. Scott, Laura and Jimmie We met back up in the room. Pam had won some $$, no surprise. We hung out there for a while and then went back downstairs and to the Center Bar, which somehow is made of ice. I got to pet a bartender's big red mohawk and put a $5 tip in it. Unfortunately the pic of that didn't come out. Pam and Angie "Burt" and Lazina (Burt comes out of the closet for our parties, both literally and figuratively speaking) Mr Peanut? Willie Wonka? The world may never know.. Pam and Laurie Angie shut down the bar with us and headed home. Pam and Jimmie and I hung out until after 4:00, then Pam and I got a few hours sleep, awoke, whined, gambled, lunched and coerced Jimmie into taking us to the airport. Exhausted and punch drunk as boarded the plane, Pam commented "I'm going to order the opposite of coffee". This struck me as hilarious and I wondered for a while - What IS the opposite of coffee? I figure it's Bailey's, but it's really anyone's guess. Ozzy and Gerald were really happy to see me when I got home.

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Some of these entries are vintage travel reports and have been restored from a lost blog. I hope you enjoy them.