"Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me".
Do you remember that song? Well, yesterday I decided that I was tired of being angry with my ex husband (and those of you who know...know that I have a lot to be angry about) and I told him that I was extremely hurt by his actions toward me and our kids over the last couple of years and invited him out for a drink to talk about it.
Of course I had Mr. Wonderful's support. I'm sure he's tired of listening to it.
I had decided that I was either going to let Xman ride peacefully in my trolley of life (Wayne Dyer metaphor - he's awesome) or throw him under the wheels of it and be done.
So we met and got a lot hashed out. He explained what he was going through during this time in depth (married to absolute crazy woman for 6 months...it was hell on all of us) and he even kind of apologized, which is a big step for him. We talked about how lucky I am to have Mr. Wonderful and what a good and stable step dad he is for our kids. We talked about what incredible kids we have together.
Before we left, Xman told me that out of all of the women he's dated, been engaged to, been married to or known (yep, that pretty much covers half of the county) that he was so glad that I was the mother of his children. Now, I have to say that out of that pool, I am wayyyyy down low on the crazy scale, but still - it was a nice compliment. I told him that if I started getting mad at him that we'd meet back up for another drink.
I harbor no illusions that everything will be perfect from here on out. This is not a 30 minute Christmas Special in which I'm played by Jean Smart. I know he's going to do things in the future that piss me off. I give it a week or so, in fact. However, I am making an early New Years Resolution to handle this relationship in a new way. It's better for my kids and it's much healthier for me.
A lady that I used to work told me a story once about her ex husband. She was so incredibly angry with him and when he suddenly died, she found that the anger didn't die off with him and she had to get it out somehow. Since he had donated his body to medicine, there was no grave for her to visit, so she pulled up in the parking lot of Southwest Medical Center one afternoon and yelled her lungs out at him there. She laughed and said 'People probably thought I was crazy, but I didn't care. I felt better."
Peace and goodwill aren't always easy. It's a Christmas gift I'm giving myself. I urge you to let go of a grudge, mend a rift in a relationship, reach out to someone. Will you be opening yourself up to the possibiltiy of more hurt? Absolutely. But then again...it might just work out for you. The jury's still out on this one, but I have hope.
(Cue singing children)
Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
(and...cut) LOL
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Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Let There Be Peace of Mind
"Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me".
Do you remember that song? Well, yesterday I decided that I was tired of being angry with my ex husband (and those of you who know...know that I have a lot to be angry about) and I told him that I was extremely hurt by his actions toward me and our kids over the last couple of years and invited him out for a drink to talk about it.
Of course I had Mr. Wonderful's support. I'm sure he's tired of listening to it.
I had decided that I was either going to let Xman ride peacefully in my trolley of life (Wayne Dyer metaphor - he's awesome) or throw him under the wheels of it and be done.
So we met and got a lot hashed out. He explained what he was going through during this time in depth (married to absolute crazy woman for 6 months...it was hell on all of us) and he even kind of apologized, which is a big step for him. We talked about how lucky I am to have Mr. Wonderful and what a good and stable step dad he is for our kids. We talked about what incredible kids we have together.
Before we left, Xman told me that out of all of the women he's dated, been engaged to, been married to or known (yep, that pretty much covers half of the county) that he was so glad that I was the mother of his children. Now, I have to say that out of that pool, I am wayyyyy down low on the crazy scale, but still - it was a nice compliment. I told him that if I started getting mad at him that we'd meet back up for another drink.
I harbor no illusions that everything will be perfect from here on out. This is not a 30 minute Christmas Special in which I'm played by Jean Smart. I know he's going to do things in the future that piss me off. I give it a week or so, in fact. However, I am making an early New Years Resolution to handle this relationship in a new way. It's better for my kids and it's much healthier for me.
A lady that I used to work told me a story once about her ex husband. She was so incredibly angry with him and when he suddenly died, she found that the anger didn't die off with him and she had to get it out somehow. Since he had donated his body to medicine, there was no grave for her to visit, so she pulled up in the parking lot of Southwest Medical Center one afternoon and yelled her lungs out at him there. She laughed and said 'People probably thought I was crazy, but I didn't care. I felt better."
Peace and goodwill aren't always easy. It's a Christmas gift I'm giving myself. I urge you to let go of a grudge, mend a rift in a relationship, reach out to someone. Will you be opening yourself up to the possibiltiy of more hurt? Absolutely. But then again...it might just work out for you. The jury's still out on this one, but I have hope.
(Cue singing children)
Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
(and...cut) LOL
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8 comments:
Oh, brave girl!! Good for you! I think since he is J & C's dad it is hard to push him off the trolley, but you CAN tell him the rules if he's gonna' ride... and remember, perhaps his role is to teach you patience, or something grand.
You rock!!!
xo~ d
LOL! Glad it worked Jana, even if only for awhile! I know stuff like that is wasted energy and damaging to the health, but I also have a hard time letting go when I get dumped on by someone. I think it's a female trait!
A thought-provoking and wise post, Jana. I agree - you rock!
I hear ya, Beck, and totally agree that I have that trait, too. That's the part I have to work at being bigger than. :)
Thanks, Vee...right back at ya.
Dale, I am thinking if I can get this dysfunctional relationship worked out in this life, I won't have to do it again and again. LOL
My mantra - which I regularly ignore - Rise Above. Rise Above. Rise Above. Maybe I'll make a New Year's resolution to recall those three words more often.
You're doing a good job of rising above, Jana. Interesting to learn you're into Buddhism, too. hehehe
LOL, Vee. My motto is "Always try to take the high road. There's less traffic there".
Very brave indeed amiga. The important thing is that your kids know that you made a sincere effort for everyone's Peace Of Mind. You really do rock!
Way to go Jana...it will help the kids a great deal to have Peace in the valley. Rock on!
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