Friday, March 26, 2010

Relationship Rules - Dating

I'm not a therapist, and I don't even play one on tv, but a recent discussion amongst friends has prompted me to write this. I'll call it 'My Rules of Dating'. Take it for what it's worth - it's really just good common sense. I feel this advice pertains to both men and women, so I will use 'he' and 'she' in my points. 1) Never, ever, ever expect that he will change. If he is an alcoholic, emotional infant, liar, cheater, abuser there is no way in hell that your love will change him. Sure, who didn't want to own a beautiful horse (or wolf dog or whatever!) that would hate everyone, but only love us because 'our love was that pure'? WHEN WE WERE TEN YEARS OLD!!!! Get over that one right now. When you are dating someone, they should be behaving at their best and if that sucks....hit the road. Leave no forwarding address. 2) You should have a sense of who YOU are and what you want. Last time around in the dating pool I knew pretty much what I was looking for. Someone cool, laid back, easy going and no golfing. But you've got to know who YOU are in order to know what you want. You can't look to another person or a relationship to complete you. If you are whole and independent, happy and well adjusted, you will attract the right kind of partner. Anything less is unacceptable. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong....it usually is. Trust your gut as much as your heart. 3) No cohabitation. You are just setting yourself up for trouble. If you have kids - it sets a bad example and if you end up breaking up, it's a huge mess. If you are going to cohabitate, you should have some sort of commitment. If you don't, ask yourself why you don't. At a minimum, have a ring on your finger and a date on the calendar. 4) Psych 101 tells us that we humans tend to choose partners who have the same bad personality traits as the primary caregiver that we had as a child. Alcoholic Dad? You could be drawn to alcoholic men. Mom is passive agressive? So's your girlfriend. Get the picture? Be aware of this. I'm just sayin'. 5) Women (especially) for God's sake, men cannot read our minds! Mostly, they can't even hit the toilet, so stop torturing yourself. It goes something like this Man: Honey, I'm going out with the boys tonite Woman: Fine Then when he returns, he is punished for it for days. Seriously, say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't be a mystery. And think about it this way - If you ask for what you want, you have a much better chance of getting it. It's called being honest with yourself and others. 6) Fight Fair - don't yell, curse and act like a baby. I can promise you that it will get you absolutely nowhere. Talk about your issues and try to see the other person's side. Don't pull up stuff from the past, don't accuse. Stay calm. 7) Know when to cut bait. Seriously. Don't hang onto an unsatisfying relationship that you know has no chance of working out. How is that helping you or the other person in the relationship? Best of luck! That'll be $80, please.

1 comment:

Ann said...

Very wise thoughts, Jana!



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