Things I Learned From Charlie's Angels

Once upon a time, there were three little girls who went to the Police Academy... As a female product of a 70s childhood, I wanted to be one of Charlie's Angels when I grew up (yes, I know I've told you that I wanted to be the Bain de Soleil lady, but that was later. For the record I also wanted to be Barbie and Iris Love). I had the Farrah 'do (I think that was mandated by law in suburban Tulsa, OK circa 1977-79) and I had the green bikini that looked just like Jaclyn's white one. Oh, yes...I had it all. I recently watched an old episode of Charlie's Angels and it was fantastic in it's ghastly campiness. It made me quite nostalgic for my childhood, especially since the Angels went undercover on a cruise on this episode, which kind of made it a cross between Charlie's Angels AND the Love Boat and if you could have thrown in some little guy yelling 'Da Plane, Da Plane!', too, well let's just say I would've been in heaven. And I realized as I watched that there were an abundance of lessons I learned from Charlies Angels. Maybe because this show hails from an era of after-school-specials or maybe because I'd had a glass of wine, I'm not sure. Let me recap. 1) A swift Karate chop to a bad guy works every time. I don't know how and I've never done it, but I'm pretty sure that I could or at least that I'd like to, given the chance. 2) If you're the smart one (Sabrina), you don't get to wear the low cut, super sexy outfits. And you are stuck forever with that 'smart' label and it doesn't matter if Farrah leaves the show and they bring in that scrawny little Cheryl Ladd, you STILL don't get bumped up to sexy stuff. Sad. Turtleneck? Why can't she wear the cool off the shoulder number like Jaclyn? And look at the pic at the top. A bikini....short shorts....and covered head to toe in wth...riding johdpurs?! Left to right: Covered up like a nun, hot, sexy. And finally...the same fabric, but Kate's dress is cut up to her chin. 3) There are basically four kinds of guys. a) the bad ones who want to kidnap you. b) the polite ones who refer to you as 'Miss' and are usually a step beneath you socially like a waiter or a cabin boy. c) The ones who call, but never show up and d) Bosley. 4) We all have to be whores sometimes. Of course, the Angels had to go undercover as whores, well not really whores because this was prime time tv in the 70s, so more like sexy magician's assistants or a cocktail waitress, anything in a skimpy costume. I had to dress up once in a Lieutenant Uhura Star Trek dress for a convention (it was a space themed convention!! Seriously, I'm NO trekkie. Give me a little credit) and every day I dress up in pretty clothes and go do things that I don't necessarily enjoy and I get paid for it. Anyway...the lesson is just roll your eyes and roll with it. 5) When you're really in serious trouble, just hang tight and your girlfriends will come to the rescue. If you can kind of halfway collapse in a seductive, helpless posture all the better. 6) Above all, stay glossed and perfectly feathered at all times. Especially when halfway collapsed. I have noticed that jumpsuits are back in style and I saw some luscious 70s wooden platform heels at Target last week. I bet I could pull out my curling iron and do a feathered do and then KARATE CHOP!!! Didn't see that coming, did you? See? It works.