Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Secrets of Men at the Grocery Store-Revealed

As far as I can tell, men at the grocery store can basically be divided into three distinct categories. I have come to this conclusion because I spend an extraordinary amount of time there, let me tell you. All of the people at my local store know me, partly because my son works there and partly because they think I live back in a corner of the stockroom. Actually it may have been that big grape juice spill on aisle 10, but I digress. 1) Errand Boy for the Mrs. These men can easily be spotted by the cell phone glued to their ear and a wildy overwhelmed look in their eye. They have ventured into a strange land and are afraid to bring back the wrong thing. I've even seen one on the phone at the check out asking "Honey, paper or plastic?". I would categorize these men as more 'hunters' than 'gatherers'. 2) Lost Boys - These guys are lost, too, but instead of calling home, they ask random women at the store for directions. I have learned a lot about how people view me from these men and obviously, I look like a woman who knows where the Velveeta motherlode is kept. I've also been asked how to cook things and 'my wife sent me to get X, is this it?'. Being a good sport as well as a Grocery Goddess (Hell, I live there!), I always help them out. Kudos to them for asking directions. I know it's hard. 3. Man About Town - This man not only knows his way around the grocery store, but you can tell by the contents of his cart that he's got moves that put my cooking skills to shame. This, my Dear, is the man that you dream will say, "I would love to cook for you". The downside? He usually has another guy with him. BONUS GROCERY GUY: 'Mr. Friday Night' - He's a bonus category because he's like a super shopper special - only available for a limited time. I very rarely go to the store on Friday nights, but have had occasion to run by and pick up a few things. And I do mean 'pick up'. I had no idea, but apparantly (in my area) Friday night is Singles Night!! They're everywhere - nice looking men with shopping carts full of beer and frozen pizzas and that 'how YOU doin' look in their eyes. I counted once and had five guys said 'hello' to me. So, all you single ladies out there...now you know where they are. Get thee to a grocery store on a Friday evening! Since I'm happily married, I figured I'd pass this info on because I'm nice like that.

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